Free Legal Advice

Sick of asshole lawyers charging you for tips? Can’t find any good law lessons online? You’ve come to the right place. To clarify, I am not a lawyer, nor do I watch TV legal drama’s. That said, lets get right to it:

– Stare down the Jury. Subtly Insinuate somehow that you know where their loved ones reside. Those pussies will surely put the verdict in your favour.
– Immediately declare you don’t recognize the validity of the court. Put on a judge costume, complete with powdered wig, and put THEM on trial.
– You have the right to remain silent. You also have the right to say whatever the hell you want. Remind that arresting officer how stupid you think he and the law is again and again. Surely, you’ll wear him down and walk free.
– One phone call? 1-900 it up.
– Show up late for court. Judge will pretend he thinks you’re in contempt of court, but deep inside, he’ll think you’re cool for being so Hollywood.
– Want to meet a hero? Call them as a witness.
– A pre-trial drink is good way to soothe the nerves.
– Lie on the stand, especially if you’re guilty. Who wants to go to jail? Not you.
– Get a smoking hot lawyer with smoking hot tits, especially if you’re guilty. Continually throw evidence and court papers on the ground for her to pick up.

If you need any more advice, please feel free to contact me for more free information.


Comedy Now!

I got some great news Monday. I’ve been selected to go to Toronto and tape a ‘Comedy Now’ for CTV and The Comedy Network. It’s Canada’s premier Stand-up Comedy Special, and I’m pretty damn excited about it.It’ll shoot sometime in Fall, and I’ll have exact dates, ticket info, and airing date for you sometime in the future.

In the meantime, check out ‘Livin Van Live’ on Shaw TV, and catch me around your area sometime this summer – new dates on the site now.